Ramblings…


Seems like an age when I last wrote. No doubt it was an end of a decade. I got up in the morning and just felt a blankness. Blankness…Only thing which scares me. The fear of loosing knowledge I have gathered all through the years. The fear of loosing my thought process, my analytical skills, my understanding, my ideology, my principles, my language…

I need to write more, more and more…This blankness kills me… This voidness in me drags me to the black hole…blank hole…everything vanishing… not even the electrons and protons remaining and giving evidence of my existence at any point of time…Am I scared of The “D”-word, no!. What am I scared of? I am scared of dying while I am living. I can’t be like others…Because I am not! I can’t be ignorant about the things happening around me…I have tried hard to be stupid and ignorant like others but then my brain raised hue and cry. It tried to show all the possible disastrous endings of my life…a living death…My body becomes numb and protest against my non-committal attitude towards the living theories…it points towards my degenerating correcting mechanism of myself…my self criticism…me not bitching about myself !

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