I just wanted to meet him once before he leaves. To sort out things in my head. To un-mess myself. To apologise to him. Say sorry. But he didn’t meet me. He didn’t talk. He just left.
When it comes to relationships and emotions. I am literally a fucked up person. With high temper and odd mood swings, I sometimes I end up doing things which I should not have done. It would have been so easy for me, if I would have done things and forgotten. However, being a Libran has its own flaws. You do things without thinking and then end up crying over them forever. Regretting and feeling guilty to an extent that sometimes you even think of ending your life.
I met him nine months back. I know ‘nine months’ do have a different connotation all together. May be I was waiting for this moment to write about him. I first saw him during an interview. I don’t know what happened to me at that time. But, something happened after I saw him. Something unexplainable. He was talking to his friends in a British accent and I kept on listening to his voice. I laughed at myself. What the hell am I doing ? Am I not supposed to behave like a girl ? All shy and submissive, waiting for the boy to come to me. May be I should have ! However, as the years add to your age you sometimes become too bold and outright. I tried to convince myself that I should not do what I was about to do. But, what can one do when heart takes control of your mind. When your mind starts playing games with you to satisfy the urges of your heart !!!
It was not until he went far I realised how crazy I was for him. I was all restless with my hormones going haywire. I kept on thinking whether I should message him or not. My Mind said “Are you mad? Don’t be stupid, you have never messaged any guy to say that you have a crush on him. You are You ! You cannot do this . Don’t do. Isn’t it a direct proposal to a guy ? “. While my Heart said “If you haven’t done something till now, does it mean you will never do it? Don’t you think life is too short to think about all this. Loving someone is not a crime ! Do it ! Do it right now ! ”
That was the order of my Heart ! I didn’t do anything . I just followed the orders.
I wrote a message. Then deleted it. Wrote again. After striking off the messages multiple times, I finally messaged him and after all the naive introductions, I asked for his number. He promptly gave me but I did something very stupid that day. I confessed that I had a crush on him. He felt embarrassed. That was the first time we talked (errr… Messaged ) …..
Part 1 ends….
( I will be publishing this in series, I do not have patience to write in one go neither do I have courage not to publish this after I have written something 😉 )