Don’t you think it is too early for me to reveal what happened on the day we met ? Hold your breath and wait for some more time ! You are traveling with me and in travel journey is more important than the destination ! Meeting is not important but what accelarated that meeting is…The messages… the words…his words…
All these months, we just messaged. He was too busy with himself and I with him. I knew his smell, long before I met him…hugged him… I do not remember his voice but I still remember the way he rolled his lips while pronouncing each word… those juicy- kissable pair of lips and an accent to die for… Those eyes…peeking out from those pair of cute glasses and demanding attention… eyes which touched my eyes only once while mine did not see anything else.
Browsing the Chats, I had with him and it is making me nostalgic, missing him even more and a kind of electricity running through my body… Is that orgasm ? If it is, then feeling too orgasmic, need to control myself. These words… And the affect they have on me ! I do not have the whole conversation, I had with with him, as true to myself, half of the time, I fought with him-with myself, abused him-myself and deleted everything. But, then that is how I am! Very irritating but only to people whom I really love! You know what I mean, don’t you ?
Listening to random instrumental music and his face keeps on flashing in front of me. Those curls! Uffff! Can sacrifice myself unconditionally for those curls! Is it fair on the part of God (his God, I am an atheist ! ) to make him so… so… delicious!
You know what did he say to me once? “You are a neurotic that gets fixated on an ungratifying substitute in the futile hope of gratification from a source denuded of any sustaining potential” … Ha ! Ha ! … Yes, this is exactly what he said… I got offended that time. I really was… I wasn’t in a state of mind to joke and when I protested, he said, “Keep it at the jocular level of sophisticated banal exchanges”. I was totally pissed off ! Totally ! Now, when I am reading, it makes me laugh on his definition of humor, his sarcasm which had some hidden truth in it. Yes, I got fixated on him, I still is…Gratification? I am born to gratify myself, I do not even try things which cannot give me happiness! No, source was never devoid of potential, may be the source itself was or is not aware of its potential 😉 He is not a good judge but Iam….And banal exchanges? How can anything exchanged with him, be banal to me??? Neither his anger nor his indifference! I have kept everything in the secret space of my heart which he exchanged with me. Whether it is his only poem or his cute, naiveté sketch which even revealed a glimpse of his mustard colored check pajamas…
Now, I am relishing, immersed in the sounds of music and his words! Whole life to be led…short or long…no one knows!
(Part 3 ends…)
(I will be publishing this in series, I do not have patience to write in one go neither do I have courage not to publish this after I have written something 😉 )