As night approaches I am again lost in his thoughts. I have been torturing him lately with my mails. I am aware of that but then my love for him is increasing than decreasing with time. I am disturbed by my uncontrollable urge to talk to him. I need to sort out my mind. There are uncountable questions wandering in my mind which I would like to answer to myself.

What is love ? Can I define it ? Is love such a simple thing which can be defined in a line ? Is love so easy that it can be understood by everyone ? Does love happens only once or multiple times in your life ? Can you love multiple people at the same time ? Is the presence of your beloved necessary for you to love ? Is it necessary for your beloved also to love you ? And most importantly, who gets benefited from the love ? For whom do we love ? Do we love because we want to love as it gives us an adrenaline rush ? Do we love because of the other person ? When we love is it our potential which counts, or is the aura of the other person which decides our potential to love ? What are the forms of love ? How do we express love ? The questions in my mind are endless and I am still trying to find answers to these…

I believe love is very liberating… very revolutionary….very rebellious…

Why do I love him and what do I get from that ?
I don’t know why I love him. It just happens. Without his knowledge, he has brought happiness in my life. He is my lucky mascot. I feel happy talking to him. I just love talking to him. I write to him daily. Sometimes in my mind, sometimes on phone, iPad while other times on mails.

With pros come cons… love is one of the most beautiful thing on earth but also most painful. The pain sometimes is unbearable. It makes you helpless and vulnerable. And the most important thing. Fill you with guilt. The tussle between rationality and irrationality is the fight between you writing a mail or spending restless, sleepless night… We all are selfish people and only think about ourselves. With all guilt , I write to him while thinking only about him but not paying heed to the effect on him in the real world. Dreams are dreams but their effects on people are real. I don’t know what he thinks. I cannot decide for him. He can only decide for himself. BTW he has always decided for himself. He took all necessary steps to keep me out of his life…

I might be meeting him soon. But then I meet him daily. My meeting him is not new. His meeting me would be…. but then I don’t think he would meet me…


2 thoughts on “27

  1. When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
    You should read it, The Picture of Dorian Gray

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