When I think of you, I think of writing. When I think of writing, I think of you. This is what you have done to me. Reading and writing, both are solitary acts. The ideas, the thoughts, the conclusions, which we frame and arrive at are results of our engagement with ourself. I won’t say, we don’t learn when we involve ourself with others but then there are conclusions, which can only take birth after getting filtered through our thought process, prejudices, biases and upbringing. You will never understand the relationship I share with you. For me, the desires were less of involvement but more of acknowledgement. Now, I have none. For me, now, it is act of purgation of emotions. It is an act of sorrow, pleasure, sadness, happiness, thinking etc. Reading changes you. And in these months, I have changed. I have thought, with professional certainty I will be more stable. But, it hasn’t happened, stability in a certain arena, has given rise to multiple other uncertainties. I don’t think I was born to be stable. Not to rest in peace. May be I am made to be just restless. This restlessness no doubt takes away most of my precious hours, emotional instability which sometimes leads to depression, makes me more agitated, impatient. And I hate myself for this as it just doesn’t affect me but also others. I know you have also been a victim to that. However, this is also one aspect of my life which gives me energy to move on. Not to stop. Be hungry for knowledge. Never be satisfied with status quo. In the end, what matters is how much I have gained from life and what I have lost.
I think I have lost my naivety and innocence.
Have gained you !
Life is not that bad you see 😉