How do you expect me to write when I can’t see you, can’t hear you ? You don’t even change your bloody dp ! I don’t have anything left of you…you know how you took away everything from me…you very well know… I do get dreams.. sometimes…but, then I always feel guilty…I always feel embarrassed for behaving like a stalker with you… You know I feel like an albatross is hanging around my neck…I haven’t forgiven myself for behaving like that with you…For displaying my monstrous side…I wasn’t like that…I am not like that…I think I am fun…I have always been a happy person…I think I am…not someone who cannot be loved…

Khair ! How does it matter now ? The shadow of the past is not an easy thing to erase from the picture of present and future…but, yeah.. I am writing…I think after a long time…You know…There is something very exciting about illness…it makes you behave weird…gives you a perspective which you usually don’t have…This hotness…ha! ha! literal hotness, out of breath -breath, sore throat leading to husky voice, heavy head–makes you feel may be your brain size is increasing…forces you to think about life ! As the quintessential drama queen, like you said, every time I fall ill, I feel I will die ! I will definitely die this time ! definitely …Pakka Say…Btw I am not able to breathe …for real…if you were there, like when we met I wasn’t able to breathe when you sat next to me in the hall, when we were coming down through the stairs and yeah when you hugged me …I liked that out of breathe feeling… this one is just forcing me to breathe from mouth :O

You know sometimes I imagine you in a dark navy blue colour sweat shirt with a hood and jeans, looking down through those big spectacles, sitting on a chair, your hands on the table with all your books lying on it and an open laptop. One of the book is open and there is a wrinkled page on it, on which you are passionately drawing something…I can’t see what you are drawing …but, something…

I miss your hair..those curls…sometimes my fingers just have this itching…they want to meander in your hair…I want to play with your hair…Stop ! Now, I am turned on ! You know this is the reason I want to run away from you…I imagine you and all this happens…


Oh Man! That Hair…..;*




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