toxic 2_37

So, I have been having very bad anxiety since evening , don’t know why? I usually don’t sleep during afternoons but, today I slept for an hour. However, it wasn’t bad after I got up. It’s just that I have been reading since morning and suddenly around 7, I started feeling odd. Forced myself to read but felt pukish, so instead of insulting Baudrillard, I  decided to watch a movie…Watched Aarah ki Anarkali … Liked it but thats it ! Smoked to get over my bad mood, it helped for an hour, with sore throat nowadays, I do not even smoke much… Khair, I thought may be I should also mix some fiction with my dry theoretical readings … So, I took Pamuk’s A Strangeness in my mind… While I was flipping through the pages I suddenly realised that this is what I have been suffering from ! A “Strangeness” in my “mind” !!!  I didn’t feel perfectly fine even with the book, so the only thing which came to my mind was to write while listening to my favourite music… So, while Mystery of Life gets played on my laptop I am trying to find the mystery in my life… This mystery of my moods… My behaviour… Now, the solace cannot be even mails…I think I am done with that ! No more mails ! I am just tired …

You know Coleridge’s Dejection: An ode  was created in response to Wordsworth’s Intimations of Immortality . Isn’t it so interesting how poets conversed through poems? This was part of Coleridge’s Conversation Poems. If only, artists today were passionate about their work, were intelligent enough to reply through their work? Why are we living in this age, where we have lost all art ? Everything is so mechanical… Love, friendship, work, art, poems, drawings, paintings… We are not left with any kind of feelings… I think that innocence is lost …

And I am the only antique piece left on this earth, who wants to go back in time… Who is reacting towards whatever is happening in the world… I don’t think I belong here … May be I have lost my way… May be I lived in some other dimension…

Or may be this all is a nightmare…May be I just need to get up !


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